In 2008 I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder. For years I had wondered why I couldn’t do things that everyone else did. I was relieved to finally have a name for what was going on with me. But I was also left wondering, because at that point I was looking at parish ministry positions for the first time. Pastors have to talk a lot, meet lots of people, and try to connect with them. Sometimes they have to steer through the storms of church politics. They have to know the rules that exist in a congregation, especially the unspoken ones. None of this meshed well with a disorder that makes communication a challenge.
Despite my doubts, that fall I became an associate pastor, with a discrete set of responsibilities around communications and mission. My time as an associate gave me confidence that I could do this pastor thing. But I didn’t think I could ever be the sole pastor of a church. There are just too many things a solo pastor has to keep track of, too many people to give attention to. I believe God was listening to my doubts, however, and preparing another challenge. In 2013 I began my first job in solo ministry.
I think I’ve done OK so far. As I like to tell people, I haven’t driven the church into a tree. I’ve been reminding myself to say thanks to all the laypeople who keep the church going and to send notes to people who haven’t been to church in a long time. Sometimes I don’t understand why I have to do these things. I do understand by now that being a pastor is about caring for the people at least as much as knowing your theology. But it’s challenging.
