The gift of stories amid grief

My daughter Krista died when she was 25. She was doing volunteer service in Bolivia, and a bus she was traveling on plunged over a cliff.

Moses Pulei, who is from Kenya, met Krista in college. He flew from southern California to Spokane, Washington, to attend her memorial service. At the reception, he approached my husband and me. “In the Masai tradition, when someone dies, our gift is to go to their home and share a story,” he said. “May I come over?”

Researchers have found that when a loved one dies, the most common early reactions are an intense yearning, a sense that part of you is missing, and a hunger to have the person back. Sharing stories often provides solace and helps ease the heartbreak. But to the dismay of many bereaved parents, after a brief time many people rarely want to talk about the child who died. These silences add another layer of pain.