The opening words on the telephone call were familiar: "You don't know me but I know about you. . . ." Since leaving the Presbyterian ministry 20 years ago I've had a number of such calls.

The person on the other end of the line was a father whose 17-year-old son had just revealed to his parents that he was gay. The boy's parents felt a mixture of devastation and helplessness. As active Presbyterians in their local church, their first impulse was to call their pastor. The pastor's advice was to call me.

That afternoon I left work early and drove over to their house. The three of us sat and talked about a range of issues and concerns. "Are we, his parents, responsible for his homosexuality? Doesn't the Bible say this is wrong? Should our son see a counselor? What will people in our congregation think?" Along with the questions came tears of grief. Their son was not who they dreamed he would become. Their fundamental assumptions about faith, family and sexuality were all brought into question. Intuitively they knew that their family would never be the same.