Baptismal terrors

"Admiral, the great navy of the State of Nebraska,” my 1991 citation from Governor Ben Nelson of Nebraska declares. It continues, “I do strictly charge and require all officers, seamen, tadpoles and goldfish under your command to be obedient to your orders as Admiral. . . .”

In August I read an ad in a Nebraska newspaper for “Baptismal Tub: great for reptiles, alligators, etc.,” followed by a phone number. A skeptical Nebraskan would smell a hoax here, but my officers and seamen checked it out as authentic. It is true that when Christians deconsecrate something it can be used for almost anything: old churches become bars, individual glass communion cups make fine mini-shot glasses, and altar linens can serve as wine-stained tablecloths.


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